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Potato-shaped potato sells for $.79 on eBay

BURBANK - A potato that bears an uncanny resemblance to a potato sold at auction this week for 79 cents, before auction fees and shipping charges.

"To look at it, you wouldn't know it from a potato," said winning bidder Jane Valvonne. She secured the unusual tuber with a last-minute bid that beat out her next closest competitor, at 74 cents.

"I was biting my nails right up to the end, but things just turned out my way, I guess."

The curious potato shape assumed by the potato reminded Valvonne of the recent excitement over a heart-shaped potato presented to President Barack Obama on Late Night with David Letterman on Monday, September 21, 2009.

The previous week brought news of a carrot shaped like a hand, which was eaten.

Potato farmer Roy Massey claims he didn't do anything unusual while growing the potato. "It's pretty much grown the same way you'd grow any potato you find in the grocery store," said Massey. "You could still eat it, but I guess this one's just kind of special."

Valvonne has not yet made any plans to display or resell the potato, but she reveals that she is in talks with a company that may help her preserve it and its perfect potato-like shape. Her publicist dispelled rumors that she was negotiating with a major snack manufacturer to make the rare find into potato-chip-shaped chips.

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Oil spill cleaned up with gigantic doily

Hammer and 'Sicle

Stereogram of carpet looks like slightly different carpet

Look at this image and cross your eyes slightly, allowing them to relax and focus beyond the image. A 3-D representation of another, distinctly varied carpet will appear.

New neighbor setting off Amwaydar

VANCEFORD - The guy who just moved in next door to Will and Patsy Grindace is triggering their Amwaydar, an intuitive ability some have for detecting multi-level marketing.

Lawrence "Larry" Bostock, Jr. purchased the ranch house adjacent to the Grindaces, and so far has been a pleasant addition to the neighborhood.

"He seems a decent guy," said Will Grindace after a recent backyard cookout hosted by the Hutchinsons across the street. "Good manners, well groomed, no noisy activities after 8 at night. Keeps his lawn in good shape."

However, at the cookout, several of the guests grew concerned that Bostock may be involved in some sort of business that involves reselling products and recruiting other sales associates.

"We were talking in real general terms, you know 'what do you do' kind of stuff," said Grindace, who is a project manager for a printing company. "I thought nothing of it when he mentioned retail, home care products and electronics. We were just making small talk at that point. But he said 'water and air purifiers' and that perked up my ears."

Grindace grew suspicious as Bostock talked of working for himself and that his company might be looking for quality people for a great new opportunity.

"He said 'passive income,' and that's when I knew. I don't know what company he's working for, but I didn't intend to find out."

By the time Bostock got to insurance and dietary supplements, Grindace had already begun plotting his esape from the back yard to the kitchen.

"He was actually addressing the back of my head when he asked how much extra I'd like to make a month."

The evening continued quietly if uncomfortably, with Bostock making several vain invitations to an informational event at his house next Tuesday. The following day, the Grindaces cleaned out their 2-car garage so they could resume parking in it and avoid eye contact with Bostock.

Hurricane season shortened to one week

WASHINGTON DC - The 2009 Atlantic hurricane season has been shortened from six months to one week, starting today.

"It's going to be one hell of a week, but we want to get it all over with in one swoop," said oceanographer Claude Degausse. "This gives us more control over response efforts and scheduling."

In a normal hurricane season, an average of 10.1 named tropical storms form in the Atlantic and cut a swath through the eastern seaboard of North America. Climatologists from numerous countries forged a joint resolution to lump all the tropical depressions and cyclones together for one hectic week.

"It may very well save lives, especially if we evacuate the whole region several days in advance," said Degausse. "I don't think that's happened yet, though, another agency is supposed to be doing that."

GM gets additional $3 billion from Washington for rust proofing

DETROIT - Automotive giant General Motors sat Washington down in the manager's office Wednesday and laid it out straight. This deal on the table to exchange $27 billion in unsecured debt for 10% of GM stock is worthless without some rust proofing.

Washington may have worn down the new guy, Evan, in offering only $19.4 billion in federal loans, but, hey, this is Rick here. He's telling Washington how it is. And if Washington drives off this property without our special rust protection package - and this is a one-day deal only - for $3 billion, Rick is afraid Washington will have a rusted heap within three years.

GM reminded Washington that these prices won't last, and that this is the same offer they'd give their mother. If Washington turns down the rust proofing, GM may have to speak to the floor manager to avoid bankruptcy, which may not happen anyway with prices this smoking hot.

Washington is also considering the fabric protection package, but has emphatically refused pinstriping and paint sealant.

Spelling error leads to weasels vaccine

NEW MONIA - Due to a simple mistyped word in a proposal, researchers at Klumsig Laboratories have developed a vaccine against weasels. The proposal from an unnamed agency was supposed to be for an improved treatment for measles.

"You could say it's serendipitous," said immunologist Fran Tolleson. "We didn't find what we were supposed to be looking for, but we did come up with this pleasant surprise."

Klumsig will apparently keep the funding for the project, because they fulfilled the terms of the proposal.

Tolleson suggests that the new vaccine may be helpful to poultry farmers who wish to safeguard their chickens from weasels.

"We have not yet determined if it is effective in chickens, or for that matter at all. We also don't know if it may also be useful in warding off ermines, minks or ferrets."

Klumsig already has begun planning its next vaccines for humps and nutella.

Hamster tycoon purchases Mall of America

BLOOMINGTON, MN - The largest enclosed shopping mall in the U.S. has been purchased by a billionaire hamster and converted to a giant hamster-style run for humans.

The industrialist hamster, who goes only by the name Mister Fluffles, lived previously with heiress Nadine Gatton-Vandervelt, who left her fortune to the rodent upon her death in October 2008.

Soon after his newfound fortune and independence, Fluffles began a spree of spending. He bought a field hockey team, replacing the artificial turf in their arena with cedar chips and expressing his desire to play forward.

In January, Fluffles began talks with the Canadian Triple Five Group, which owns and manages the Mall of America. He purchased the megamall for an undisclosed amount, and promptly installed transparent orange tubing to make it resemble his living quarters for the last twenty months.

Details of further modifications to the mall are forthcoming, according to the hamster's public relations director, but Mister Fluffles himself has been silent. One source claims that the food court will be fitted with hanging water bottles and that a gigantic shoebox in the parking lot is to house shoppers when it's time to clean the mall.