Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Extraterrestrial rednecks antagonize locals with Monster UFO


AMALTHEA, SC - Local residents sighted an unidentified flying object (UFO) making repeated passes around the Piggly Wiggly parking lot on Buford Avenue this afternoon. The saucer-shaped ship made a great deal of noise and exhaust as it revved its engines and nearly grazed ground-based vehicles.

Fitted with numerous muffler pipes, racing flames, neon accents and a pair of truck nuts, the craft annoyed dozens of shoppers for nearly twenty minutes.

Several people dialed 911, but local authorities, the FAA, Air Force and Homeland Security said no laws were broken. Sheriff Roy Neary added that even though the UFO was fitted with aftermarket parts, everything was to code.

"These boys are not from around here, so I'm going to keep an eye on them," said Neary. "They just having a little fun. They go abducting anybody or keep making a ruckus after 10 o'clock and we will take appropriate actions."
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