Thursday, June 4, 2015

New post voting gives readers illusion of influence

JANKYVISION HEADQUARTERS, GUADELOUPE - Despite a lack of any popular demand whatsoever, JankyVision has added post voting to each story. You now have the ability to feel like perhaps you are helping to guide the direction of JankyVision Enterprises by directly interacting with our content in a way that is much less work-intensive than typing a comment.

With three options: "Awesome", "Meh" and "Huh?" you can now accurately express the entire range of human emotions on any post. You can get together with friends and have "post voting" parties! You can Tweet "I just voted 'Meh' on a post about Metrolopithecus!" You can make a t-shirt with "Huh?" on it!

OFFER NOT VALID IN TN, AK, WY, WI, US VIRGIN ISLANDS, CAMEROON OR WALES. ONLY ONE VOTE PER POST UNLESS USER FEELS THE POST MERITS MORE NUANCED APPROACH. WAGERING ON PERFORMANCE OF POSTS IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED AND WILL NOT BE ACKNOWLEDGED UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. DO NOT VOTE WHILE INTOXICATED. ATTEMPTS TO TAMPER WITH VOTING PROCEDURES OR RESULTS WILL ELICIT A STRONGLY WORDED MESSAGE AS SOON AS WE GET AROUND TO IT. THAT'S NOT TO SAY WE ACTUALLY READ, REVIEW OR EVEN HAVE A WAY TO AGGREGATE THESE VOTES. WE TOTALLY DON'T AT THIS POINT. MAYBE WE WILL SOMEDAY. IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, A LOT OF WORK RESEARCHING, WRITING AND EDITING THESE NEWS STORIES AND IT GETS LONELY SOMETIMES. WE ARE NOT SHOUTING OR UPSET WITH YOU IN GENERAL, THIS IS JUST LEGALESE AND THIS IS HOW WE'VE SEEN IT DONE MOST OF THE TIME. SO ANYWAY, HAVE A NICE DAY AND ALL. FRIENDS?
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