tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14755015646954118742024-03-05T04:46:33.928-07:00JankyVision: Value-Added SarcasmSatirical content, occasionally humorous.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger398125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-49769129590018410412018-04-25T17:40:00.002-06:002018-05-02T10:09:21.218-06:00JankyVision Has Relocated To PostNewsTimes.comAll the quality news and near-news you’re accustomed to getting from JankyVision - and more - is now available at <a href="http://www.postnewstimes.com/" target="_blank">www.PostNewsTimes.com</a>.<br />
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We’ve polished up the format and the posts to make them a bit more lit or woke or whatever the kids are calling it these days.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-15792542345116868042017-01-25T13:35:00.001-07:002017-01-25T13:35:52.023-07:0011 Songs That Aren't About What You Think. #4 Blew Me Away!<br />
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There are songs we've heard all our lives and thought we knew what they meant. Here are eleven that have stunning origins unlike what you ever would have believed.</div>
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<li><b>Raindrops Keep Fallin' on My Head</b> - The 1969 hit by B.J. Thomas sounds at first like a simple tune about staying positive, but it has a much darker origin. The "raindrops" referenced in the song are really radioactive fallout from a nuclear holocaust, and Thomas is considering his options for survival. If you listen to the lyrics closely, it all makes more sense.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSWOSRLPLKip2uuWZS4yKDY1gChpFVjdNBIWShUXVVO4xG3iMXDSHLL8Jb5afq5wXlB9AuwgBse4rdLnoOWGvJ3WCf5T0-fLDJR0AoMGDhkPjVfg098b_BWU50A-7W96J-IlMnjmlFLFMj/s1600/nuke1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgSWOSRLPLKip2uuWZS4yKDY1gChpFVjdNBIWShUXVVO4xG3iMXDSHLL8Jb5afq5wXlB9AuwgBse4rdLnoOWGvJ3WCf5T0-fLDJR0AoMGDhkPjVfg098b_BWU50A-7W96J-IlMnjmlFLFMj/s1600/nuke1.jpeg" /></a></div>
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<li><b>Call Me Maybe</b> - Most people would recall Carly Rae Jepsen's 2012 smash hit as a come-on to someone she had just met. In reality, the song documents tense moments during the Cold War when U.S. and Soviet leaders would balk at making first contact on their red phone hotline. Events sometimes escalated to dangerous levels before one side or the other would blink and pick up the phone. If you scrutinize the lyrics carefully, you will find multiple allusions to international tensions and nuclear brinksmanship.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkKdn7FBEjhuMwEUX6VgwmfVzQpk9FVpFfajD2x3WLbWoSefDeMflMgFGUi424DumFpM6UxqY-LgBB2OkUCFMptu4svYddCvZz8yWBlunf9EoTjFSGnPUxWVrJWlhY-gdWJJbo8dLCig9w/s1600/redphone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkKdn7FBEjhuMwEUX6VgwmfVzQpk9FVpFfajD2x3WLbWoSefDeMflMgFGUi424DumFpM6UxqY-LgBB2OkUCFMptu4svYddCvZz8yWBlunf9EoTjFSGnPUxWVrJWlhY-gdWJJbo8dLCig9w/s320/redphone.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<li><b>Won't Get Fooled Again</b> - The Who's 1971 rock anthem is popularly believed to be about growing political vigilance, especially in the face of past betrayal. However, songwriter Pete Townshend has said that he was inspired to pen the song after his dog repeatedly fell for "faking the throw" and that it reminded him of how western civilization seems to creep inevitably toward nuclear annihilation.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvnKc_Ez9SpqOK9Yt4jYlFDMKyTzh4_V-R7vCAjoZ8Scn-TLuYpwrpI2NFB6MiMcJPkBTa5otKAtLE_TV65V4BB1S6DqHE6Tzz95Kj96-gcg6GSRemsJyx6T34zNOoFgIwiQItdeC7GSPV/s1600/fake-throw-toy-dog-not-impressed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="168" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjvnKc_Ez9SpqOK9Yt4jYlFDMKyTzh4_V-R7vCAjoZ8Scn-TLuYpwrpI2NFB6MiMcJPkBTa5otKAtLE_TV65V4BB1S6DqHE6Tzz95Kj96-gcg6GSRemsJyx6T34zNOoFgIwiQItdeC7GSPV/s320/fake-throw-toy-dog-not-impressed.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<li><b>I Melt With You</b> - A critical reading of the lyrics from the 1982 Modern English hit reveals that it is not about a couple perishing in a nuclear blast, but instead it recounts an overly hot day in which a man keeps company with a blow-up doll. The opening lyric, "moving forward using all my breath" gives it away.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidc9FO4_WUOBY2hJWtLBP8m1ZadLa1xuE030nWsyr-lR0WmzTtqDWVWju3p4uKSsW5mLejY_1ql4C6wPtvSLP8H4hgsNJnQy93GcelFgT5_gRNGmivtYiT2s1iQASgnGmqZHChdKFnWDZp/s1600/jim-halpert-blow-up-doll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidc9FO4_WUOBY2hJWtLBP8m1ZadLa1xuE030nWsyr-lR0WmzTtqDWVWju3p4uKSsW5mLejY_1ql4C6wPtvSLP8H4hgsNJnQy93GcelFgT5_gRNGmivtYiT2s1iQASgnGmqZHChdKFnWDZp/s320/jim-halpert-blow-up-doll.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<li><b>Tik Tok</b> - Ke$ha made a splash with her 2010 dance track that seems at first like a superficial romp about partying all night. The real story is more sobering, however. Ke$ha was responding to concerns about growing international tensions and the position of the so-called "Doomsday Clock" that represents the perceived closeness to global catastrophe. When she sings "I'm gonna hit this city" she is referring to the vast number of warheads aimed at major population centers.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGUyAtax5iVyvdUAiP4VN5EcpISyt3tzKE8Z59jKuSWk0ZgPRfU4SYk1sOPmsCIk-ejiz0wgNIWkHPuRriXF1GZlm7qrAGk2hS4wNSVOmz5TrKlzrO2Grm87hQlzv0byJOWr3FJpCq5e8d/s1600/nuclearexplosion.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="160" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGUyAtax5iVyvdUAiP4VN5EcpISyt3tzKE8Z59jKuSWk0ZgPRfU4SYk1sOPmsCIk-ejiz0wgNIWkHPuRriXF1GZlm7qrAGk2hS4wNSVOmz5TrKlzrO2Grm87hQlzv0byJOWr3FJpCq5e8d/s320/nuclearexplosion.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<li><b>I Want to Hold Your Hand</b> - Just one year after the 1962 Cuban Missile Crisis, The Beatles wrote and recorded this innocent-sounding chart topper about restraint for those who have their fingers on the nuclear button. Many fans at the time assumed it was just a pop song about puppy love.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCzLxVhvkzM3Gs2Pldl38USLUHvpnEWhEmtTt-qzGijefTrAJONZ40-i5sHb8p3yTlK-9KQyIheqaySrrFys-0QufHIIGU2knX6NHBBQp195RMHDHkLGKEEsXBH67F-gFOBVfD_NEroEcM/s1600/cubanmissilecrisis.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="227" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCzLxVhvkzM3Gs2Pldl38USLUHvpnEWhEmtTt-qzGijefTrAJONZ40-i5sHb8p3yTlK-9KQyIheqaySrrFys-0QufHIIGU2knX6NHBBQp195RMHDHkLGKEEsXBH67F-gFOBVfD_NEroEcM/s320/cubanmissilecrisis.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<li><b>Moves Like Jagger - </b>The Beatles were not alone in their anti-nuke activism. Rolling Stone singer Mick Jagger, unbeknownst to most music fans, was a top secret British MI6 agent (like James Bond) and was quite a nimble one, instrumental in thwarting nuclear disaster several times. This information was classified for decades, however, and only came to light when Maroon 5 turned it into this 2011 song that was ostensibly about the rocker's legendary dance moves.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKmQHuRzZF9fFbF4nm53WMZJwnatOY6Z8GYr3bIHZjv28oLJOEtWr7gachhXEhxDl7Mu30dmvQSdlZQel2WWnpIYODmr_eUSR4AYORoTAXF7En7TnA9KVuilv2emzQMTS0SxzSZrL-JAmn/s1600/mi6.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="177" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiKmQHuRzZF9fFbF4nm53WMZJwnatOY6Z8GYr3bIHZjv28oLJOEtWr7gachhXEhxDl7Mu30dmvQSdlZQel2WWnpIYODmr_eUSR4AYORoTAXF7En7TnA9KVuilv2emzQMTS0SxzSZrL-JAmn/s320/mi6.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<li><b>Yakety Sax</b> - Very few people are aware that this 1963 Boots Randolph song, made famous as the theme for The Benny Hill Show, actually has lyrics. Known mostly for accompanying zany sped-up foot chases, the full song makes a plaintive call for nuclear disarmament.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn8y2IQWQyWnFBu6zcrLDj4pNVo7HumzV93Mrv0f3ikEbsR_ndmTvjKG2nY_2YIz1wpvNWh0zx0DB8eeCfPASdmtcNnx-BY6RoGhyphenhyphen6bhDG-meI-BgftIz2SoCjYgJetVO1eehEQhCHjGVu/s1600/aldermaston-marchers-005.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjn8y2IQWQyWnFBu6zcrLDj4pNVo7HumzV93Mrv0f3ikEbsR_ndmTvjKG2nY_2YIz1wpvNWh0zx0DB8eeCfPASdmtcNnx-BY6RoGhyphenhyphen6bhDG-meI-BgftIz2SoCjYgJetVO1eehEQhCHjGVu/s320/aldermaston-marchers-005.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<li><b>Stayin' Alive </b>- The Bee Gees made this 1977 disco song a hit along with many other songs on the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack, but not many know how the song came about. Written by brothers Barry, Maurice and Robin Gibb, who were born in Australia, the song contains a solemn warning about their homeland that was the setting for Nevil Shute's 1957 novel "On The Beach", in which residents of the southern hemisphere await the arrival of deadly radiation from a nuclear holocaust that has taken out the rest of the world. When they sing "Feel the city breakin' and everybody shakin'" they are referring to underground fallout shelters where the last remnants of a devastated city scramble to survive.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1JJPdi2aPVbMIMP2Jh5kH1ErII92TRSszcDQy2TN6em-qcL3GOmDCyZptQuYY5ic_E7RtSutGna3-G6H4SodOdf7TPLgEUvh7_KFEaj6b1QndP36V0I0KNl8rT3dlbJXNauwirL7nwT5t/s1600/fallout.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="215" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1JJPdi2aPVbMIMP2Jh5kH1ErII92TRSszcDQy2TN6em-qcL3GOmDCyZptQuYY5ic_E7RtSutGna3-G6H4SodOdf7TPLgEUvh7_KFEaj6b1QndP36V0I0KNl8rT3dlbJXNauwirL7nwT5t/s320/fallout.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<li><b>Whoomp There It Is - </b>In 1993, Tag Team made this the unavoidable catch phrase of the year. Look real close at the lyrics. Yep. Nukes.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0c2mL2o3-ErNX2iPJ5IYNFw8LtVbIMCkY2o8RWp_K0xqeVxgennJ4zNYPnIk9Y0R37VI_jVeUE-KcTed3hCn0qeDlREyjVxxjMoqdURNn6o8MHSQICShG1Yst-plkJ9fHvvfbUsoTTHF5/s1600/Tsar_photo11-675x368.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="174" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0c2mL2o3-ErNX2iPJ5IYNFw8LtVbIMCkY2o8RWp_K0xqeVxgennJ4zNYPnIk9Y0R37VI_jVeUE-KcTed3hCn0qeDlREyjVxxjMoqdURNn6o8MHSQICShG1Yst-plkJ9fHvvfbUsoTTHF5/s320/Tsar_photo11-675x368.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<li><b>99 Red Balloons</b> - For decades, people have thought that the 1983 song by German band Nena was about misunderstanding the Star Trek phenomenon, but it is actually about a kid who drinks too much cough syrup and spends all his allowance on balloons. He then hallucinates and gets lost on the way home.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrqKDhCLghZRT9No6gXnT8i87TV5jvT_XBjYSNqcAJPhJaiUuocmaQ8dZoN8hJ83KXpalAQt11B8qvebrtodB_0OOW1qnyb-c0D0R0B_QvKmVfUANdl5cWlfGoTX0B2ppmbcKPZ3DJ805P/s1600/coughsyrup1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrqKDhCLghZRT9No6gXnT8i87TV5jvT_XBjYSNqcAJPhJaiUuocmaQ8dZoN8hJ83KXpalAQt11B8qvebrtodB_0OOW1qnyb-c0D0R0B_QvKmVfUANdl5cWlfGoTX0B2ppmbcKPZ3DJ805P/s1600/coughsyrup1.jpg" /></a></div>
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</ol>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-17202598427860615912017-01-05T13:00:00.000-07:002017-01-05T13:00:04.610-07:00H.R. the Musical breaks attendance records<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigEu6BsO8JsWvNauSTQv7ZOGh839U6S4zlYHoJbxKGX2ionXGqPmwFybO6Ci1SNO-sz9xw49qHjzvhITsnV9E1iO8kK-arxOxII9Csli0wbpLf0a3rFoKmVe52S0GI8pOpLNwkFdvGYcfY/s1600/JankyVision-HR-the-musical.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEigEu6BsO8JsWvNauSTQv7ZOGh839U6S4zlYHoJbxKGX2ionXGqPmwFybO6Ci1SNO-sz9xw49qHjzvhITsnV9E1iO8kK-arxOxII9Csli0wbpLf0a3rFoKmVe52S0GI8pOpLNwkFdvGYcfY/s400/JankyVision-HR-the-musical.png" width="253" /></a></div>
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CANTON, OH - Little-known outside corporate circles, the touring production of <i>H.R. The Musical</i> is breaking attendance records in event centers across the country. Ticket sales are up partly because large corporations have made the show mandatory viewing.<br />
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Writer, producer, director and star of the show is Rebecca Bailey, herself a human resources director for 22 years at a medium size company.<br />
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"Every day, something would happen at work and I would say to myself, 'This should be in a musical,'" said Bailey. Songs like the breakout hit, "Inappropriate Touching" derive their inspiration from actual events during her tenure at H.R.<br />
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Since its inception, the production has had its share of personnel issues. Infighting, power struggles, verbal threats, layoffs and salary disputes provided the backdrop for the cast even while performing numbers such as "Hostile Workplace", "Downsize with Me", "Na-Na-Nepotism" and "Team Building is for A-holes."<br />
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Cast members are forbidden to talk to press without prior written approval from show producers, but watercooler talk has it that some cast members have been retaliating against writers of negative reviews.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-70395587900683109422017-01-05T06:00:00.000-07:002017-01-05T06:00:02.408-07:00Offshore banks threatened by rising seas<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoQ1TKiqtBsYGEaI4tUrcqWcRfaoFz4zmXELhlIyV2AcdXW6Bvq4BHosxwdAwVRKtF6CVcswKPG7li4iLNZL-nAQ5fKTsIJ_P9GEZnZRxDnZhT0Gi_ocbme_qrqC4N56aeR_vuWzTTMiKY/s1600/JankyVision-offshore-banks.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoQ1TKiqtBsYGEaI4tUrcqWcRfaoFz4zmXELhlIyV2AcdXW6Bvq4BHosxwdAwVRKtF6CVcswKPG7li4iLNZL-nAQ5fKTsIJ_P9GEZnZRxDnZhT0Gi_ocbme_qrqC4N56aeR_vuWzTTMiKY/s400/JankyVision-offshore-banks.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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CAYMAN ISLANDS - Rising ocean levels are beginning to submerge offshore banks, putting at risk much of the money being tucked away there.<br />
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"We really should have considered putting these billions of dollars closer to land," said Joaquin Phillipe, manager of the Dodge Parry Trust not far from the coast of Georgetown, Grand Cayman.<br />
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While there are still numerous banks on solid land for customers to squirrel away cash to avoid taxes, those that are located in the cay are finding their situation increasingly tenuous.<br />
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"People don't want to deposit their money in a place where it's going to get soggy," said Sandra Appleton, former manager of the Maldives Engulfed Holdings bank. That bank closed because the sandbar it was on had eroded, taking billions in assets with it. "And you can't bank where there's no bank."<br />
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Global ocean levels have risen over 7 inches (195mm) since the Industrial Revolution in the 1800s, and they continue to rise for reasons that people continue to dispute.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-64231000616921048602017-01-04T18:34:00.000-07:002017-01-04T18:34:29.520-07:00Groomba robot shaves while you sleep<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhES7JZf0zaa-6CBt7QrQ5uamVUUTrbg5d-tn8I_aNhtDPo1soC8R0Jkj6hFZoSCe7zpULLLYYQXL-P7n_0e44dft0RxvTG_2aMLtTSqB21OY6UB8u1TubgjUarpGILSRkghGqnXEXJU4LU/s1600/JankyVision-Groomba.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhES7JZf0zaa-6CBt7QrQ5uamVUUTrbg5d-tn8I_aNhtDPo1soC8R0Jkj6hFZoSCe7zpULLLYYQXL-P7n_0e44dft0RxvTG_2aMLtTSqB21OY6UB8u1TubgjUarpGILSRkghGqnXEXJU4LU/s400/JankyVision-Groomba.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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JACKSONVILLE, FL - Busy professionals can now automate time-consuming tasks like shaving, thanks to the Groomba shaving robot.<br />
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"You just place it by the bed, and at some point in the middle of the night it will crawl up on your face and shave you," said Groomba developer Daniel Westlake. The robot then returns to its charging station.<br />
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Users can specify whether they want to shave their face, legs, armpits, or other areas. "We haven't tested it for all possible applications," said Westlake, "but whatever floats your boat."<br />
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Some customers have complained that the Groomba doesn't account for subtle differences like sleeping in different positions. One man slept where his wife usually does, and woke up with his legs shaved.<br />
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"You just have to be sure to use the little beacons that specify where to stop, and that includes which side of the bed," said Westlake.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-12582120856328034672017-01-03T07:00:00.000-07:002017-01-03T07:00:18.470-07:00Fake news story wins Pulitzer Prize<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJ5TUoVe_MRNM_hZwKeOZBCDMxYTGV6jXu_bNYbYNb_ujFO8roPTGkcg0CwrE45s9Pay_8Tm88FlGPiSV5r8FLeWqhmyU49pt7l5F8C5XuIlKE2q85cSW6DeuWDBH4s0kMEjW8VZRpDyu/s1600/JankyVision-Fake-news-Pulitzer.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="296" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpJ5TUoVe_MRNM_hZwKeOZBCDMxYTGV6jXu_bNYbYNb_ujFO8roPTGkcg0CwrE45s9Pay_8Tm88FlGPiSV5r8FLeWqhmyU49pt7l5F8C5XuIlKE2q85cSW6DeuWDBH4s0kMEjW8VZRpDyu/s400/JankyVision-Fake-news-Pulitzer.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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NEW YORK, NY - The Pulitzer Prize Committee at Columbia University has awarded the Pulitzer Prize to a fake news story for the very first time.<br />
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JankyVision.com's ersatz investigative journalism piece won for the compelling story of drug cartels moving their operations over to more lucrative printer ink.<br />
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"The bogus article and accompanying fabricated photojournalism was hard-hitting, insightful, engaging, and totally worth a slight pause while scrolling through social media," said Pulitzer Committee Chair Walter Dimsdale. "It made us think a moment before moving on to the next thing."<br />
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The Printer Ink Cartel piece also holds the honor of being the first-ever unanimous decision by all judges on the panel.<br />
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"It was that good," said Dimsdale. "We look forward to many more years of spurious dispatches from JankyVision."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-82916791302469122982017-01-02T23:26:00.000-07:002017-01-02T23:26:01.106-07:00New Virtual Reality Office allows you to work at a cubicle from anywhere<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvQCh1NACso4A3l25WUt2ZO_JXdxdmkWRaQMEEpo29gbYieHldyp-kCXl_cDXqQok3jbcK5hXm0LzD1cokhW77ajlBxbsj1EjV3OFXAkpBT8hwO_DlMkzmZWKYSKkEodaHdsk3IcC2DU8P/s1600/JankyVision-virtual-office.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvQCh1NACso4A3l25WUt2ZO_JXdxdmkWRaQMEEpo29gbYieHldyp-kCXl_cDXqQok3jbcK5hXm0LzD1cokhW77ajlBxbsj1EjV3OFXAkpBT8hwO_DlMkzmZWKYSKkEodaHdsk3IcC2DU8P/s400/JankyVision-virtual-office.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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SANTA CLARA, CA - Brand new VR technology empowers office workers to sit at their cubicles and desktop computers, no matter where they are. The InfiniCube promises to usher in a new era of enhanced productivity.<br />
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"You can be on vacation or sick at home, and still be right back here at work," said entrepreneur Mac Frey of CrateSpace Tech. "It's like you're never away from the office!"<br />
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Virtual Reality (VR) has already enabled end users to explore infinite realms of imaginative possibilities, such as flying, immersive entertainment and gaming, or even virtual travel. CrateSpace extends the capabilities of VR to sitting at the real life desk where you spend most of your waking days.<br />
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"It's not the same when you work remotely on a laptop or home computer, with all the distractions of family, pets and leisure," said Frey. "This puts you in visual and auditory isolation from all that and keeps you in the workplace."<br />
<br />
Employees at CrateSpace are already putting the InfiniCube to work, allowing them to work more than 80 hours each week. Some report that they have been too busy to file complaints with the Department of Labor. Frey looks forward to automated cars, so employees can work on the way home, too.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-50886528176441965542017-01-02T22:31:00.003-07:002017-01-02T22:31:31.028-07:00Newly discovered molten planet named Psoriasis<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj11Nls_x6ls0Wfs2eMkvflGfBE30lgUl3o6_Zcne4vXfvd5BNHDRWCYym9uxCZjPZFejO457bs3T0HHuDXxbCCETXzel3WhWrS0dsw8r9pqX6A67HEKRW2ah05ZnUyR9prwTE0QkCq_rSu/s1600/mercury-163610_960_720.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj11Nls_x6ls0Wfs2eMkvflGfBE30lgUl3o6_Zcne4vXfvd5BNHDRWCYym9uxCZjPZFejO457bs3T0HHuDXxbCCETXzel3WhWrS0dsw8r9pqX6A67HEKRW2ah05ZnUyR9prwTE0QkCq_rSu/s400/mercury-163610_960_720.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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HILO, HI - Astronomers at the Mauna Kea Observatory have discovered a new, scaly, inflamed planet far from our Solar System and named it Psoriasis, after the Greek god of heartbreak.<br />
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The planet is 34 light years away and cannot be seen directly, but we can infer its presence through red patches that surround the area and other systemic effects that flare up.<br />
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"It's an amazing discovery, but you would never want to go there," said Jon Freling, an amateur astronomer whose team is currently using the telescope without the knowledge or permission of the Mauna Kea facility. "You would be severely uncomfortable."<br />
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The team has also concluded that three moons circle Psoriasis: Eczema, Rosacea and Histamine. They plan to publish a paper on their findings if they can manage to get back to the workstation where their data is stored without being spotted.<br />
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"Pretty good work for twenty minutes of observation. We'd hate to lose all of it."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-5309449143149573322017-01-02T21:49:00.002-07:002017-01-02T21:49:57.358-07:00Bigfoot names Discovery Channel, Animal Planet in harassment lawsuit<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih-luSIn_gZwGobNkkUNnrZ6IxiX0ordGJEaRwFrZK_J7p2uVT2VUct15HOTG_COHHOyOtM56yHtPLUrGHUvBrJ1Bt6s5HZZ1hm10y1WOBSNJ8NBZHrzLZHJ2L4XtspwwzyfDaII3rIDuk/s1600/JankyVision-Bigfoot-sues.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEih-luSIn_gZwGobNkkUNnrZ6IxiX0ordGJEaRwFrZK_J7p2uVT2VUct15HOTG_COHHOyOtM56yHtPLUrGHUvBrJ1Bt6s5HZZ1hm10y1WOBSNJ8NBZHrzLZHJ2L4XtspwwzyfDaII3rIDuk/s400/JankyVision-Bigfoot-sues.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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EAST GREENWICH, RI - An individual purporting to be the legendary Bigfoot of folklore has filed a harassment suit against TV networks Animal Planet and Discovery Channel for their involvement in shows such as "Finding Bigfoot" and "Killing Bigfoot".<br />
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Attorney Ken Barmanou spoke today in a press conference on behalf of his client, S. Quatch.<br />
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"My client lives in fear from people stomping around his and his relatives' habitats, recording endless episodes of their shows at all hours and seasons," said Barmanou. "This disrupts their peace of mind, and invites other so-called 'Bigfoot hunters' to do the same."<br />
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In a signed affidavit, Quatch alleges that reality shows are based around finding Bigfoot, an as-yet undiscovered gigantic hominid who matches his general description. Quatch's numerous residences around the country in Oregon, Maine, Florida and Texas have been disturbed.<br />
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"Effectively every corner of this nation has become unsafe for Mr. Quatch to relax and maintain any privacy," said Barmanou.<br />
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The suit specifies homicidal threats and reckless endangerment in shows like "Killing Bigfoot". "It's right there in the title, isn't it?" said Barmanou. "My client is a very irate primate."<br />
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Representatives from the networks and the shows' production companies maintain that Quatch has no standing to sue.<br />
<br />
"Whereas the so-called Bigfoot is so far an unsubstantiated and mythical creature, he would have to present himself in court to move forward with this action," said Rory Zeigler, executive producer of last year's <i>Bigfoot: Did You Hear That?</i> "And if this supposed Bigfoot shows up and is merely a big hairy human, then we have a different disqualifying issue of standing."<br />
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Other shows named in the suit are Bigfoot: <i>Sketchy Footage Expanded to Fill an Hour</i>, <i>Real Sasquatches of Louisiana</i>, and <i>Arguments About Bigfoot Filmed in Night Vision</i>. "Sasquatch" is reportedly another alias for Bigfoot.<br />
<br />
Last year Barmanou and Quatch won a judgment against Jack's Link Jerky for their television advertising campaign in which the snack company encouraged consumers to "mess with Sasquatch." The two sides settled with undisclosed terms.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-59367584883266530582017-01-02T21:19:00.000-07:002017-01-02T21:19:03.728-07:00Scotty "Squatty" Watson closing in on record for least strikeouts<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2yv2pyxTpbruDOAP98biNB6TNO-YCD5BWuRNADIRHSvz2SpxkqSSjtCN-b_B3U5Vur3ZtmDeF-AogpDaWitZIqP4wbIWTXQe4KvesosiAN95mpdHMpueO1Uy529PH1hCIvQ0G4Lqh5-VP/s1600/JankyVision-Squatty.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="268" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2yv2pyxTpbruDOAP98biNB6TNO-YCD5BWuRNADIRHSvz2SpxkqSSjtCN-b_B3U5Vur3ZtmDeF-AogpDaWitZIqP4wbIWTXQe4KvesosiAN95mpdHMpueO1Uy529PH1hCIvQ0G4Lqh5-VP/s400/JankyVision-Squatty.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
TITUS, AL - A minor league player is soon to catch up with the all-time baseball record for fewest strikeouts in a career.<br />
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Scotty "Squatty" Watson is 4 feet, 8 inches tall (1.42m) and has an especially short torso and thighs, giving him by far the smallest strike zone of any player.<br />
<br />
Still in the minor leagues playing for the East Oregon Rainshadows, Watson hopes to take his unique advantage with him to the major leagues one day.<br />
<br />
"He's not the greatest hitter, and a mediocre left fielder," said Rainshadows manager Turks Cobell at winter training camp in Alabama. "But none of these pitchers can get in that strike zone. We got a walk machine in Squatty."<br />
<br />
His lower legs and arms are of average size, which help to make up for any obstacles competing with larger players. "He can field a ground ball without bending over," said Cobell.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-46108766922457801152017-01-02T19:41:00.001-07:002017-01-02T19:41:42.732-07:00Slow-motion clips of perp walks to be admitted as evidence of guilt<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-htBBgoUFuTlhzPF9KJuD9u8qACc1Zs6CNf-TkSbJQgjYQtqB_9Y9jH655pQR8Ds2wXK6lK3VgulRLo90ttbu9pio0p2qQOni81x8RTn2PgmGck80EuORKIpoPGpHuqbecOof7WoVmpuy/s1600/JankyVision-perp-walk.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="262" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj-htBBgoUFuTlhzPF9KJuD9u8qACc1Zs6CNf-TkSbJQgjYQtqB_9Y9jH655pQR8Ds2wXK6lK3VgulRLo90ttbu9pio0p2qQOni81x8RTn2PgmGck80EuORKIpoPGpHuqbecOof7WoVmpuy/s400/JankyVision-perp-walk.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">CINCINNATI, OH - A federal appeals court has just ruled that grainy, slow-motion footage of arrested suspects being paraded before cameras to make them look guilty can be used against them in court as evidence of wrongdoing.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Nicknamed "perp walk", the practice of escorting detainees through a public place after giving media outlets advance notice is commonly used by law enforcement agencies to influence potential jurors against the presumption of innocence afforded by the widely held interpretation of the 5th, 6th and 14th amendments to the U.S. Constitution.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">"Due process is a real show-stopper when all you've got is boring evidence in legalese," said prosecutor Dane Gearholdt. "This new ruling helps us tremendously because we can get video of the guy being dragged to the police van and squinting when a reporter shouts at him. Then we slow it down right when he blinks or glares, or better yet, looks over his shoulder at the camera and making crazy eyes. Freeze frame. Boom, you've got a conviction."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Defense attorneys are enraged by the decision. Public defender Will Hattermeyer claims that all a prosecutor needs to do under this legal standard is to capture one unflattering shot of the defendant and poison any chance of a fair trial.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">"Get a clip like that to Nancy Grace or whoever, and he's sunk," said Hattermeyer. "They'll show the slo-mo clip non-stop and seal his fate. Instead of weighing evidence and reasonable doubt, juries will now be considering shifty eyes and creepy blinks in their deliberations."</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Hattermeyer's client has much to lose in this new judicial climate. On trial for murder, he has a solid alibi and legal pundits agree that the circumstantial case against him is flimsy at best and possibly fraudulent. However, he was arrested by a SWAT team and interrogated for 72 hours before being taken to his arraignment, which made for a disastrous perp walk with saggy eyes, disheveled clothing and mussed hair.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: times new roman;"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;">Constitutional scholars and legal experts call the decision a travesty of justice and an utter failure of jurisprudence. Supporters of the decision praise the lowering of the burden of proof to effectively "Everybody knows the guy did it."</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-30883455341591592792017-01-02T15:38:00.000-07:002017-01-02T15:38:02.604-07:00Every customer in local store a secret shopper<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi56W-nlvx8uOLf_GPrWm0HkcIGn3RpnCo2IBs7LOwxcfemniC__ipRdiRS4adn34P76mRUD2D2i5uxMwBvbBWKdKK2r8oAXcKk16cXd0lc7kP-cP9dFare-ArhSHEIbVElPYpHtr53RN3J/s1600/shoppers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi56W-nlvx8uOLf_GPrWm0HkcIGn3RpnCo2IBs7LOwxcfemniC__ipRdiRS4adn34P76mRUD2D2i5uxMwBvbBWKdKK2r8oAXcKk16cXd0lc7kP-cP9dFare-ArhSHEIbVElPYpHtr53RN3J/s400/shoppers.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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RICHMOND, VA - Each of the seven customers currently browsing at the Grab 'N' Spend grocery store on North Cary Street is a secret shopper, according to in-store loss prevention manager Todd Balto. He has been watching events unfold from the store office on closed circuit television.<br />
<br />
"They've been in here, some of them, for 45 minutes, just trailing each other around," said Balto. "They're not buying anything, and it looks like none of them has caught on."<br />
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Secret shoppers are persons employed by various companies to visit stores as anonymous customers, sometimes conducting market research, customer service evaluations, or loss prevention.<br />
<br />
The Grab 'N' Spend grocery chain employs three different agencies to curtail shoplifting, assess associate performance and gain insights into which products appeal to consumer tastes.<br />
<br />
The assortment of secret shoppers in the store today are attempting to perform all these tasks, unaware that the other customers they're observing are also secret shoppers. They are also unaware that the entire staff is also alerted to their presence.<br />
<br />
"Every once in a while one of them comes up and asks a tricky question, and the cashiers are on it," said Balto. "I'm just glad we've got tape running for when an actual customer walks in here. Can't wait to see that."<br />
<br />
At press time the majority of secret shoppers were apparently reading every ingredient list in the cereal aisle and exchanging suspicious glances.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-59657185639697512372017-01-02T14:53:00.000-07:002017-01-02T14:53:26.763-07:00Laxative energy drink wreaks havoc at festival<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9y42DnRqgWiol9QN18tSeM7ak4gn48RBXYGDWreKi4caOQV1cTKc_o1CStFci9SIlXznq6yrSvoN3Ev_nSFW5C0Tju2YaWfaAcQahumi1R2UhAzwdhakIWRd-mzTgQfznpkABCLzA8Msb/s1600/JankyVision-RedBull-MilkofMagnesia.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="330" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9y42DnRqgWiol9QN18tSeM7ak4gn48RBXYGDWreKi4caOQV1cTKc_o1CStFci9SIlXznq6yrSvoN3Ev_nSFW5C0Tju2YaWfaAcQahumi1R2UhAzwdhakIWRd-mzTgQfznpkABCLzA8Msb/s400/JankyVision-RedBull-MilkofMagnesia.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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BOUSE, AZ - Concertgoers at the 2017 Coacharoo Music Festival got a nasty surprise when a mistaken shipment of Red Bull Milk of Magnesia ended up at concession stands.<br />
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The carbonated beverage, laced with stimulants and laxatives, is not an official Red Bull product and was pulled as soon as the error was brought to the attention of festival organizers. That was too late for the several thousand festival attendees who had chugged cans of it down, then beseiged the suddenly too-few porta potties.<br />
<br />
"It was an incontinent mob," said witness Ruby McTierney. "The portable toilets were completely devastated, and the throngs of people who couldn't get to them started a wave of filth that radiated outward."<br />
<br />
Hazmat teams rushed to the area and cleaned up the premises along with about 3,000 soiled festival guests. A concessions supplier called LulzBev was identified as the source of the drinks, and removed from all public events that they serviced. The remaining cans were confiscated and taken to an unnamed overstock retailer for further study.<br />
<br />
Representatives at Red Bull were prompt to announce that they were in no way associated with the counterfeit drinks, but a few consumers asked if Milk of Magnesia might be a real brand in the future.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-84528500509819448562017-01-02T13:37:00.000-07:002017-01-02T13:37:45.575-07:00Geologists puzzled by fossilized layer of unpaired socks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWg1occR987uo9V5DuW3ZPbYn1Qq1Jc3R4VeC4HW9jSF3ffkg6pvx4NUbUysevSDQPvacIT-UDvvN28F1oRBo0gdp0Xi7lKI9486QZ399dBOjaFCp6CaexKkHdmfMTGGqUBRdv1Z85m31N/s1600/JankyVision-geosock-layer.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWg1occR987uo9V5DuW3ZPbYn1Qq1Jc3R4VeC4HW9jSF3ffkg6pvx4NUbUysevSDQPvacIT-UDvvN28F1oRBo0gdp0Xi7lKI9486QZ399dBOjaFCp6CaexKkHdmfMTGGqUBRdv1Z85m31N/s400/JankyVision-geosock-layer.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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WESTERN SAHARA - Scientists working on a dig site at the edge of the Sahara Desert have discovered a previously unknown geological layer, composed entirely of socks without their partners.<br />
<br />
Sandwiched in solid rock between the end of the Permian era and the Mesozoic era about 250 million years ago, the socks so far offer no explanation as to their origin or how they came to rest here at a time when there were no socks or humans to make them.<br />
<br />
"We first thought it was just colorful rock, but as we took a closer look little features started popping out," said Isabel Grandwick, geologist and discoverer of the layer. "Argyle, navy, wool, cotton, even a bunny sock."<br />
<br />
The team had been searching for further clues to the Permian Extinction, an event that wiped out most of the species on Earth. Some have suggested that the socks might have played a role.<br />
<br />
"Well, you've got the whole planet covered in socks for almost 10 million years," said Grandwick. "It's certainly going to be a hindrance to many biological processes. The bigger question is how they got here."<br />
<br />
The leading hypothesis among Internet commenters is that socks lost in the washing machine travel through a wormhole to this specific time.<br />
<br />
While the socks are no longer viable due to fossilization, Grandwick's team has established a program to help people who have lost socks identify theirs in the layer.<br />
<br />
"Once we put locations and date lost with individual socks, we can start to work out patterns in where they ended up."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-63714094566065123932016-12-31T11:01:00.001-07:002016-12-31T11:01:30.900-07:00Automated delivery bots still learning how to mangle packages<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTxy9pn5kWGHPXqc2UY82TrUAAfMKn7F6TRLXWF9im0CxswF4ZsxS0LzGnMtDrG2mdVmjTnnIfIiVMExE8h3lCUChB-CwUm7dNKE7ge6qKGRf93cSVFwUzadvgbm3xCscPDuRcoXZ1wXD9/s1600/JankyVision-automated-delivery.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTxy9pn5kWGHPXqc2UY82TrUAAfMKn7F6TRLXWF9im0CxswF4ZsxS0LzGnMtDrG2mdVmjTnnIfIiVMExE8h3lCUChB-CwUm7dNKE7ge6qKGRf93cSVFwUzadvgbm3xCscPDuRcoXZ1wXD9/s400/JankyVision-automated-delivery.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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FRANKLIN, DE - Delivery services such as FedEx and UPS still rely on human employees to get packages where they're going, but eventually most jobs like this will be phased out by automation.<br />
<br />
One key factor holding back the revolution is that the robots haven't quite perfected the art of twisting, crushing, folding and spindling parcels then throwing them at the front porch.<br />
<br />
"It seems like a straightforward thing, deforming a box and flinging it in the direction of the right address," said automation expert Rudy Bering. "The problem is that you have so many different sizes and densities of boxes and envelopes."<br />
<br />
We take it for granted that a person can size up a package and figure out immediately where and how to defeat its structural integrity. A robot, however, has a difficult time discerning the subtle differences between, say, a laptop ensconced in styrofoam and a rare book with protective wrapping.<br />
<br />
"Sure, we could just apply the same vise grip approach to everything," said Bering. "But that leaves us with a kind of uniformity that is unsatisfying. A human knows instinctively where the screen is, where the brittle corners are, which part to get wet but leave the shape roughly intact."<br />
<br />
Artificial intelligence training is underway to prepare tomorrow's delivery bots to replace today's delivery personnel. "The software is already good at reading 'Fragile' in any language and singling out that box for enhanced treatment."<br />
<br />
Bering is in negotiations with airlines to automate the baggage handling process.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-76141069270131350972016-12-30T16:17:00.001-07:002016-12-30T16:17:23.975-07:00New method of mosquito control uses video games to distract males from mating<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbEtgZR4ZHkkCQk343QLoOPNo0_auqBNAuc__0zc2k-F9dLTRf_oTBhiuMDEN87SIiZPptw1IAAhRvcJ9dXJ9UngSW6JfwTHKS7vPBsVGLx87gnbBaXEYMEzXaaErS_y7gHjqloGprgrze/s1600/JankyVision-mosquito-control.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="328" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbEtgZR4ZHkkCQk343QLoOPNo0_auqBNAuc__0zc2k-F9dLTRf_oTBhiuMDEN87SIiZPptw1IAAhRvcJ9dXJ9UngSW6JfwTHKS7vPBsVGLx87gnbBaXEYMEzXaaErS_y7gHjqloGprgrze/s400/JankyVision-mosquito-control.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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HISTAMINA, LA - Entomologists from Standing Water University have developed an effective way to combat mosquito populations by simply providing video games to breeding males.<br />
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"They play all hours of the day and into the night," said lead mosquito researcher Cal Amine. "The females continue their mating rituals to no avail, and the numbers of larvae just plummet."<br />
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Considerable expense went into designing the tiny consoles fit for insects, but Amine says that fortunately male mosquitoes are larger than females. "We didn't have to match the smallest form factor."<br />
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Video game mosquito management holds great promise for countries around the world who want to reduce the presence of the disease-carrying pests, but one possible obstacle is the video games themselves.<br />
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"They like all the latest action games, but licensing fees will be astronomical," said Amine. "They won't play the free games very long, and they won't watch ads. We've got to figure out a way to get billions of copies of GTA5 and Call of Duty out there. One possible angle we have explored is the very short lifespan of the mosquitoes themselves. How long could they possibly play, anyhow?"Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-79813722634922700602016-12-30T15:18:00.003-07:002016-12-30T15:18:57.227-07:00New border wall to be made of indestructible plastic packaging<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwOx2fNFlq2MC_d09buTqn1p1Jw8HdQ25ujeLoj7GqIvJyDJnzws6oVwXPNalVFYMeJo4nfgDAS-kluLKMrVi0T7rZmJNvAFIbYNEfUK-amHiHV2uZ2K8OGIyA1npTnqtKx7qHVtkEc2OE/s1600/JankyVision-borderwall-plastic.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="295" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwOx2fNFlq2MC_d09buTqn1p1Jw8HdQ25ujeLoj7GqIvJyDJnzws6oVwXPNalVFYMeJo4nfgDAS-kluLKMrVi0T7rZmJNvAFIbYNEfUK-amHiHV2uZ2K8OGIyA1npTnqtKx7qHVtkEc2OE/s400/JankyVision-borderwall-plastic.png" width="400" /></a></div>
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ARIZONA - The incoming Trump administration's promise to build a wall covering the entire U.S.-Mexico border will consist of hard plastic clamshell packaging like the kind used for many products sold in stores.<br />
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"It's a novel approach to border containment, and it gives us several advantages," said Christopher Crossley, the transition official in charge of the newly formed Wall Department.<br />
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"At the top of the list is cost. This whole thing will run us just a few hundred thousand dollars. Then you've got strength and visibility. This material, as most consumers will attest, is harder to cut than brick or steel. And since it's clear plastic, we can see what's going on before anyone can get too far."<br />
<br />
Testing has been underway for weeks, but many volunteers who attempted to cut through the barrier gave up due to severely sore thumb muscles and scissor blisters.<br />
<br />
Crossley expects a dramatic drop in illegal border crossings. "If you've ever tried to cut through one of these packages, you know how hard it is. After a while, you just give up."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-4631262713716880392016-05-16T13:15:00.000-06:002016-05-16T13:15:08.763-06:00Abandoned Mine Shaft again wins title for world's sketchiest roller coaster<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX5zeDSH3VKC8LbG58nW2nhsfp7xEr4DbJDJLMVpgNl_dO9d-MowF-R_7POuy6UcRZek9FkpBs3_OSU2QACyZSJ5LM2Th8vW4MaQ3VoOCx6z4Da-fGNluHsbvWCJ-36pYLTuw6aWBqXHfh/s1600/worlds-sketchiest-rollercoaster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjX5zeDSH3VKC8LbG58nW2nhsfp7xEr4DbJDJLMVpgNl_dO9d-MowF-R_7POuy6UcRZek9FkpBs3_OSU2QACyZSJ5LM2Th8vW4MaQ3VoOCx6z4Da-fGNluHsbvWCJ-36pYLTuw6aWBqXHfh/s400/worlds-sketchiest-rollercoaster.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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MOJAVE DESERT, CA - With no signage, no security features and no responsible corporate entity, Mojave's Abandoned Mine Shaft ride continues its reign as the world's sketchiest roller coaster attraction. The World's Sketchiest Amusement Park Rides Commission (WSAPRC) evaluates and names its recipient based on several criteria including safety record, accessibility, survival rate of passengers and proximity to emergency services.<br />
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"Abandoned Mine Shaft was the runaway winner in every category," said WSAPRC chair Evelyn Bosley. "In fact, we are surprised that it remains open. Then again, there's nobody to sue."<br />
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The spot was formerly held by the Derail & Flail ride at Defunct Parking StructureWorld in Wilmington, Delaware. That attraction featured a hastily assembled carnival-style ride that would go off the tracks by design, sending passengers off in various directions. Defunct Parking StructureWorld was condemned in 2013 for operating without a proper food vending license.<br />
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The very next year, the deserted, crumbling environmental hazard jumped to the first spot. One of the first factors to be considered was whether Abandoned Mine Shaft even counted as a roller coaster. "You have to push your own mine cart to the top of the track if you want to ride," said Bosley. "That knocked off a few points, but the possibility of death or injury during that process balanced it out."<br />
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Abandoned Mine Shaft is a uniquely exhilarating ride, according to WSAPRC's report. Tracks end suddenly, cars are in extreme disrepair, ceilings occasionally collapse, poisonous explosive gases gather in pockets, and there are no staff on hand to explain safety procedures before the ride begins. Statistics on injuries and deaths are hard to ascertain, as the park keeps no records of any kind. Based on indirect evidence such as piles of bones and personal effects, the commission was able to determine at least a dozen or so incidents within the past few decades.<br />
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On the bright side, there is ample parking on all sides of the park and wait times are notably short. The commission also found no evidence of muggings, which counts against the overall sketchiness factor.<br />
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Abandoned Mine Shaft's title might be threatened in the future by the reopening of Lax Regulatory Climate Park in Pericol, New Jersey.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-15898882188746916392016-03-03T13:47:00.000-07:002016-03-03T13:47:34.283-07:00GMO pioneer reveals adorable TomatoCat<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV3nalikcPdrejuS6bEGsHeKPrD0mo9xtqL3kd3Bn7WohKJyusGW0hqORSR7dkD7hdjUPdvv1LxLEtwT0Tj6b1SuURveOkhncSRrrxujDldV9T3qd1e9e_sFjmK5DWevJnMJHCRUJpqMDW/s1600/GMO-tomato-cat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgV3nalikcPdrejuS6bEGsHeKPrD0mo9xtqL3kd3Bn7WohKJyusGW0hqORSR7dkD7hdjUPdvv1LxLEtwT0Tj6b1SuURveOkhncSRrrxujDldV9T3qd1e9e_sFjmK5DWevJnMJHCRUJpqMDW/s320/GMO-tomato-cat.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
HUNTSVILLE - World, say hello to Catsup, the first-ever genetically modified organism (GMO) that combines genes from a cat and a tomato.<br />
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"We don't have a practical purpose in mind," said lead researcher Gail Fellows of Piddler BioLabs. "It's just a cute idea and we had the ability to do it."<br />
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Catsup's creation was a natural progression from the company's past experiments remixing the genetic material of various life forms, such as carrots, mosquitos, coyotes and viruses.<br />
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"You never know what you might get when you combine traits from vastly different organisms," said Fellows. "You could create a grape that transmits vaccinations to millions, or maybe a mushroom that dissolves skyscrapers and is impervious to all known herbicides. No telling."<br />
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The question on everyone's mind is whether the cat will taste like tomato. Cursory observation of the tomato-cat's litter box suggests otherwise.<br />
<br />
"Let's just say the output of this tomato-cat, while arguably tomato paste-like in consistency and color, is definitely not similar in taste or smell to tomatoes and could just mean that this poor creature is near death."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-78050037868506073872016-03-03T13:01:00.000-07:002016-03-03T13:01:04.849-07:00WhateverLand: hyper-realistic unthemed park celebrates 50-ish years<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEE27rr4M2pEuFjNwVWjBRJ8hEax4OIXIU4d5tGv6spbVMvz4Cs-X2tf64vaOeiDIbkzzTrSApcDb5Dgl-taS-RRTFqGDMojf-4-j67xpHLJwyvY4sxPUtGitESz0U5-efm9HGQ4DD_DZC/s1600/whateverland1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEE27rr4M2pEuFjNwVWjBRJ8hEax4OIXIU4d5tGv6spbVMvz4Cs-X2tf64vaOeiDIbkzzTrSApcDb5Dgl-taS-RRTFqGDMojf-4-j67xpHLJwyvY4sxPUtGitESz0U5-efm9HGQ4DD_DZC/s400/whateverland1.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<br />
The world's largest theme park, WhateverLand, passes another anniversary that seems to be around the 50 to 70 year mark.<br />
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"No one is really sure when it opened," said publicist Levi Townsend of the so-called 'Realest Place on Earth.' "There still aren't any signs or tickets. You just kind of find your way in."<br />
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Criticized often for its overpriced food, drink, souvenirs and cost of living, WhateverLand is notable for making no effort to please its visitors. In fact, despite the highest revenues of any park, this one has crumbling infrastructure and lags severely behind most others in terms of upkeep. Little is known of the park that preceded WhateverLand, although visitors sometimes tell stories of how much better it was. Some have speculated that an effort to make the park more believable involved letting go of pretenses and making the experience more "real".<br />
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The dangers are real, too. Unlike parks that thrill visitors with simulated threats from space aliens, dinosaurs or mummies, WhateverLand has a chaotic record of visitor deaths from automobile accidents, drug overdoses, gun violence and much more. Park managers point out that most visitors make it through each day.<br />
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One problem the park has is defining its theme. Ask anyone inside and you'll get a different answer.<br />
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"You really could say that this theme park has no theme," said Townsend, "because I'm stumped to find a consistent thread through all the different attractions."<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB0fv71ku-XkKLQnntrc1ZvFibBmpjlnnnBj21L2lPyuN2sF_zoZEdt_hepXwa6Bu_-rQCNffS8M1AWc2MME1nyuCwLkzNlyiofuCC0jxll6HyGmvmy9GutHT-7Y4o7Sn5N6Mwzis-3gB1/s1600/whateverland2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="192" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhB0fv71ku-XkKLQnntrc1ZvFibBmpjlnnnBj21L2lPyuN2sF_zoZEdt_hepXwa6Bu_-rQCNffS8M1AWc2MME1nyuCwLkzNlyiofuCC0jxll6HyGmvmy9GutHT-7Y4o7Sn5N6Mwzis-3gB1/s400/whateverland2.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Visitors can walk right up to the exhibits and interact with park employees.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
For example, the Crappy Suburban Sprawl ride spans thousands of square miles across the entire North American continent, and it seems to be steadily incorporating all the other rides. Gigantic housing developments, half-abandoned strip malls and vacant lots make up part of this attraction, but there is no brochure to explain the transition between it and the less popular ones like Outdoors and Flyover Country.<br />
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The Big Cities ride is still quite popular, and even though its numerous locations are often crowded visitors report that the lines move quicker than in Crappy Suburban Sprawl. In any case, very few people live more than a few minutes drive from a WhateverLand attraction.<br />
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"People keep saying that WhateverLand is in decline," said Townsend, "but it'll keep kicking for decades to come. Those same people keep coming here and spending money, so that's saying something."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-65264571159343330452016-02-03T15:22:00.000-07:002016-02-03T15:22:47.068-07:00Scavenger Lobby protests declining quality, volume of scraps<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr_2kwW_c8T9y1DopzqcEHycdFxaqDVUWCwdDfJKPLMmAXP2XDTUxx3sjRt52G1vXLVvJrFIAM5a3mJVspC0GkTdtsD3XrzhtOVYms7BpgpsSESrEfspKfM8wYHDXbT0_8bTTGiocWOsHm/s1600/scavenger-lobby.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="328" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjr_2kwW_c8T9y1DopzqcEHycdFxaqDVUWCwdDfJKPLMmAXP2XDTUxx3sjRt52G1vXLVvJrFIAM5a3mJVspC0GkTdtsD3XrzhtOVYms7BpgpsSESrEfspKfM8wYHDXbT0_8bTTGiocWOsHm/s400/scavenger-lobby.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">WASHINGTON, DC - A coalition of squirrels, rats, raccoons, pigeons and other scavengers testified before Congress this week to bring attention to the dwindling quality and amount of food in the nation's trash.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">"Composting probably presents the most serious threat to our diet," said Dan Skippy, a squirrel from suburban Charleston, West Virginia. "with better diet bei</span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="background-color: white; color: #141823; display: inline; font-family: helvetica, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">ng a close second. As more households and businesses eat healthier foods and less of it, there's less really calorie-dense food of the sort that vermin prefer."<br /><br />The scavenger group presented evidence that leftover food disposed of in composting bins is both less palatable and less accessible.<br /><br />"It's hard enough to get to it, but it's also mixed in with dirt and previously composted materials," said a raccoon from Arizona known as Dwight. "Have you ever eaten a tomato that's been rolled around in dirt?"<br /><br />The House Subcommittee on Listening to Absolutely Everyone's Complaints has yet to issue any findings from the hearing.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-64405239651027282612016-01-29T15:50:00.002-07:002016-01-29T15:50:32.237-07:00Crappy lo-fi album released in HD audio for some reason<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifi4lWuK9YEMEtbSJOH_Dcttu31LCkP8I7E68fmc3ZRNcf2qciXuk97orl17FvGM6hMoSMkOotiY0xVUuEjcl9RfHAfhJvYU95avQOhzq0hTQNtDNcJJlrNMdZTCl1zcob0zyHcRQsBJjF/s1600/crappy-lofi-cd.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifi4lWuK9YEMEtbSJOH_Dcttu31LCkP8I7E68fmc3ZRNcf2qciXuk97orl17FvGM6hMoSMkOotiY0xVUuEjcl9RfHAfhJvYU95avQOhzq0hTQNtDNcJJlrNMdZTCl1zcob0zyHcRQsBJjF/s320/crappy-lofi-cd.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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SAN DIEGO, CA - An album universally considered to be one of the worst of the last 10 years is being released in high definition (HD) audio this week.<br />
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Solo artist Joey Vreeslike's debut effort, "Sad Man and Rain" is, according to critics and listeners, badly written, badly performed and badly recorded. Only 5 listeners have gotten past the first few seconds of each track on Vreeslike's Spotify stream.<br />
<br />
Now the album is being distributed in 24-bit, 96kHz format - several times more resolution than CD quality (16-bit, 44.1kHz), to the puzzlement of nearly everyone concerned.<br />
<br />
"This pile of mush sounds like it was recorded with a can opener," said record store owner Morton Weber. "Even if someone likes it, I really don't see what benefit they're going to get listening to it in higher quality. They probably spent more time on the cover art than the whole album."<br />
<br />
The artwork featured on the album is not even the artist. Apparently the cover picture was snagged from a photo site.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-33564365948416119092016-01-27T22:32:00.000-07:002016-01-27T22:32:28.393-07:00Guy brings store brand ketchup to cookout<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQIURLZqouBZw7bXqrsmsM0Fd82XBh_dc-1mACn-NP9AFbhjjTfdB4lROv0XnZeD5H4wKO8f-1zMEPO9OMKLwJZp0dFx1Xh7urxz3qdoDxoJtEJpM176lUASe5EBK_F2I89J3Z6xf0x1bn/s1600/store-brand-ketchup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQIURLZqouBZw7bXqrsmsM0Fd82XBh_dc-1mACn-NP9AFbhjjTfdB4lROv0XnZeD5H4wKO8f-1zMEPO9OMKLwJZp0dFx1Xh7urxz3qdoDxoJtEJpM176lUASe5EBK_F2I89J3Z6xf0x1bn/s320/store-brand-ketchup.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
PLEASANT HEIGHTS - A company cookout took an awkward turn earlier today when a coworker brought a store brand ketchup as part of his contribution to the potluck-style gathering.<br />
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"Vic from outside sales, man," said project manager Pete Wordley of Gunther Implements, a tool manufacturer. "He just doesn't get it. You can skimp on the paper plates, the potato chips, the table cloth if you have to, but ketchup? What was it, like another dollar to get name brand?"<br />
<br />
Victor Grayson, outside sales manager of Gunther Implements, was responsible for bringing enough ketchup for burgers and dogs for the company's twenty employees and their families, as well as napkins. He successfully calculated the sufficient quantity of ketchup, but fellow employees took issue with his choice.<br />
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"I'm not really a brand loyalist kind of person, but come on," said Rhonda Miles, senior office manager for Gunther. "I guess we'll make do. I haven't tried this brand, so we'll see."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-90903398823594168862016-01-27T21:52:00.000-07:002016-01-27T21:52:00.970-07:00Inhofe takes rock to Senate floor to disprove earthquakes<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicpcU6M80LoHOWBEZRN7pLz8Y1qwcvmBSQNTGMrSYOFhLnyeWY9FA824WGshKi_2s2kzefxFRC7ho2O6VzqLQqa-pXdB3Jj6kWRZ2_FFtGRQYEbLpLRnjdGUR9IGPoniX0wPKGrKrXK1_N/s1600/inhofe-rock.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicpcU6M80LoHOWBEZRN7pLz8Y1qwcvmBSQNTGMrSYOFhLnyeWY9FA824WGshKi_2s2kzefxFRC7ho2O6VzqLQqa-pXdB3Jj6kWRZ2_FFtGRQYEbLpLRnjdGUR9IGPoniX0wPKGrKrXK1_N/s320/inhofe-rock.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"It wasn't shaking where I was."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
WASHINGTON, DC - Republican Senator James Inhofe of Oklahoma addressed the Senate today with a rock to demonstrate that the ground was, in fact, still.<br />
<br />
"Sure, you've got some movement in some places. Ground moves all the time in places like California," said Inhofe. "But where I was, where this rock came from, and most of Oklahoma, was dead calm."<br />
<br />
The senator's home state of Oklahoma has been in the news for swarms of earthquakes in a state where there had been very few each year over magnitude 3.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXmwflgOdIEyI6PrwpWTS8p3cdoxcd_QoLy_uO8EBUgzM9VYQzyVDUeZYT7V-4iKQgDZT2OHCVKk5Y5zaNHQ7ZzXcihcP6fXAmsGapIpx8uTPzTaQ4PzUN0TlZ96csMTvqMNgnwtAPaWFD/s1600/Bar_graph_of_M3%252B_earthquakes_in_Oklahoma_since_1978_%2528alternate%2529.svg.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="285" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXmwflgOdIEyI6PrwpWTS8p3cdoxcd_QoLy_uO8EBUgzM9VYQzyVDUeZYT7V-4iKQgDZT2OHCVKk5Y5zaNHQ7ZzXcihcP6fXAmsGapIpx8uTPzTaQ4PzUN0TlZ96csMTvqMNgnwtAPaWFD/s400/Bar_graph_of_M3%252B_earthquakes_in_Oklahoma_since_1978_%2528alternate%2529.svg.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Convulsion is not causation," said Inhofe's representative.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Seismologists and geologists have suggested that the rise in earthquakes is related to the increased activity in fracking wastewater injection wells, barring any explanation by natural variation in seismicity. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9OYdvHu2_muaNfl-9usJPl0JsJPO-cxi1OMig0tXoqzwGnRkcHN_L2vrfUJ2F2ILg4tSoMHwuDKmgOkQN38mG1L-ANibpFe2r99Yi7v3suiAMao3zJht91eIbDZ5U-MqO8QMdGcptZE2g/s1600/Induced_earthquakes_in_Oklahoma_area.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="282" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi9OYdvHu2_muaNfl-9usJPl0JsJPO-cxi1OMig0tXoqzwGnRkcHN_L2vrfUJ2F2ILg4tSoMHwuDKmgOkQN38mG1L-ANibpFe2r99Yi7v3suiAMao3zJht91eIbDZ5U-MqO8QMdGcptZE2g/s400/Induced_earthquakes_in_Oklahoma_area.png" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Look at all those quakes over in Raton," said a lobbyist for the Responsible Energy American Eagle Heritage Exploration Foundation.</td></tr>
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Inhofe famously refuted anthropogenic (man-made) global warming in 2015 by bringing a snowball to the Senate floor. Because it was cold where he was on this day, he reasoned, how could it be warming elsewhere over decades and centuries?<br />
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Reached for comment on the fracking/earthquake debate, Inhofe's office said he plans to continue with the same GOP strategy as for climate change:<br />
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1. It isn't happening.</div>
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2. It's kinda happening, but it's not humans' fault.</div>
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3. Okay, it's happening, but there's nothing we can do about it now that we've waited so long.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1475501564695411874.post-7110612475905606402016-01-27T21:18:00.003-07:002016-01-27T21:18:47.312-07:00Chemtrails found to cause belief in chemtrails<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLHC9zCjZ5TpK-rxzGolCeqcB-124bVGvojxgZE6KWgL15Hjn5ExgU4JAWEMjGUd1-pi_yI9yvVw32wxKgyhk9rzgkbXxtj7_n3M8-_3uWqILHgZc_3BTBcpO3CI12L4rLTKpyfNYF1GBe/s1600/chemtrail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="270" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLHC9zCjZ5TpK-rxzGolCeqcB-124bVGvojxgZE6KWgL15Hjn5ExgU4JAWEMjGUd1-pi_yI9yvVw32wxKgyhk9rzgkbXxtj7_n3M8-_3uWqILHgZc_3BTBcpO3CI12L4rLTKpyfNYF1GBe/s400/chemtrail.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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RUSSELTON, AL - The long-debated and long-dismissed conspiracy theory about "chemtrails," the belief that governmental agencies are using high-flying aircraft to disperse chemical or biological agents into the atmosphere, finally has an answer rooted in science.<br />
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What they'e spraying is a substance that makes people believe in chemtrails.<br />
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Believers in the theory speculate that the government might be up to numerous nefarious acts, including population control, weather modification or reversing global warming. In fact, the chemical released by the planes has a single purpose: to make subjects believe that chemtrails are a real thing.<br />
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The droplets of the as-yet undisclosed substance are sprayed out of dispensers affixed to jet airliners at 30,000 feet or more, where they hang in the atmosphere for hours and eventually drift out over other states and countries hundreds of miles away. When they do finally reach the ground, humans inhale it and find the whole idea plausible.<br />
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Paradoxically, the same substance makes others susceptible to rejection of the chemtrail theory and become demanding of evidence.<br />
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The long-term purpose for the chemtrails has yet to be revealed, but numerous web sites and broadcasters have built careers speculating on a possible motive.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0