Showing posts with label entertainment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label entertainment. Show all posts

Monday, May 19, 2008

Third-person shooter game thoroughly confusing

Video Game Review by Tyler Janky

"Rigor Mysterious" from Depravitronic is a familiar enough gaming environment - you shoot your way out of difficult situations. That's where the familiarity ends, though.

As best we could discern, your character's point of view is that of another player. You still control the movement and shooting of your own character, but your eyes and ears move with someone else.

You start out - or at least, your point of view starts out - in an abandoned garage full of zombies, ninjas, hell-spawn and sharpshooters. Playing across a local network, it took our team a full twenty minutes to figure out that none of us was controlling the movement we saw on our own screens.

We had some success by paring down to one player, then using echolocation to maneuver that character around to where the view was, or first person. I started shooting, and could see and hear what a character somewhere else did. The character that I controlled, or third person, found the first person through trial and error, as if solving a maze blindfolded.

Mack proposed that we try it stoned, but none of us knew where to get any weed, and Hamstring pointed out that playing this game while impaired might permanently scramble one's brain.

Our team made several attempts to play a game, which only led to mass confusion. We tried constructing a diagram to help organize the structure, but that made things worse. We finally chucked the entire console into the dumpster outside and purchased a case of beer.

Rating: 0 stars out of 5 for utterly impossible gameplay

Sleeper assassin interrupts wedding in "The Manchurian Graduate"

HOLLYWOOD - Pre-production has begun on a remix/remake of two movie classics, "The Graduate" and "The Manchurian Candidate". In the new version, Dustin Hoffman's character is a veteran returning from war with a deeply hidden hypnotic command to stop the impending marriage of Elaine to another man.

The writer, director and producer signed to the project is said to be Allen P. Smithee, a veteran of quite a few leading-edge and risky projects.

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Transformers prequel in development

OPTIMUS WOODS - Producers unaffiliated with DreamWorks have begun development on a prequel to the 2007 live-action movie, "Transformers", titled simply "Transformer".

The film will contain none of the characters, premises or story lines of the original, but instead will center around a take on another fictional disguised robot in larval form.

"It's the story of this cute little transformer's journey to become a real boy," said executive producer Deesep Dikon from his office in Bangalore. "Except he becomes a huge city-killing robot in the process. I must work on the details, as I have yet to see the original movie or series."

Dikon has not yet secured funding for the project, and is seeking clearances to begin. In the meantime, T-shirts may be purchased at the JankyVision Store.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Ted McGinley to join Fox Business Network

Veteran TV actor and series turnaround expert Ted McGinley will join the cast of Fox Business Network next week to bolster disappointing viewership of the fledgling network.

Chairman Roger Ailes said that he would not settle for “anything short of a revolution” in its quest to overturn CNBC as the premier business news channel. So far, Fox has garnered an average of about 6,000 viewers on a given weekday.

“And that’s where Ted comes in,” according to an anonymous informant. “His pioneering work in such television institutions as ‘The Love Boat,’ ‘Happy Days’ and ‘Vernonica’s Closet’ will bring just the shot in the arm we need to seal the fate of this venture. I mean secure the fate.”

Network executives considered several options in addition to McGinley, including adding an adopted child, getting into a caper on vacation in Hawaii, letting some of the lead characters direct, and doing a musical episode.

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Neighbor has new HDTV, apparently watches only C-SPAN

MARLANNISVILLE - That guy across the street recently purchased an LCD or plasma TV, according to sources next door. However, he does not seem to take advantage of what must be an extensive array of channels in High Definition.

Passersby voiced concern that the man in his early 30s seems to watch an inordinate amount of C-SPAN, a government access channel that reports on "Washington stuff", said one source.

"Doesn't he know there are free movies? If he's got the right cable box, they've even got HD programming," said Everett Milbor, a neighbor two doors down who spends a fair amount of time in his and adjacent front yards removing weeds.

An ad hoc committee formed to discuss approaching the neighbor, whose name escapes the participants. If they can figure out a way to learn his name without giving away their motives, they plan to invite themselves to some kind of social gathering.

"If we had a housewarming for him, we could get more information on why he's watching so much C-SPAN, and maybe get him to venture out a bit," said Milbor. "Problem with the plan is, none of us can remember how long he's lived there."