Dog recommends continued rubbing of belly

BASKERVILLE - Through a combination of nonverbal signals, local whippet Devo has secured the indefinite extension of a belly rubbing session.

Devo's caretaker Kelly Moire correctly interpreted the various cues as both affirmation of the prior belly rub and entreaty for more.

"I thought for a minute there that he might be done, but that doesn't look like the case," said Moire. "Come to think of it, Devo has never passed up a belly rub."

Devo's long term plans include conveyance of his desire for further belly rubs and bacon.

Office ficus tree longs for the wild

Smoker proud of biodegradable butts in yard

EMPHYSEMOPOLIS - Cigarette aficionado Wayne Kennerly is doing his part for future generations by depositing only biodegradable butts in his front yard.

"I used to smoke Brynner 100's, but I found out those had fiberglass in the filter," said Kennerly. "These Taos Vortex Naturals are totally cotton. Except for the tobacco part."

Kennerly plans to leave the burnt stumps of his cigarettes out until they break down from exposure to the elements, which may well happen during his lifetime.

"It doesn't say that on the label, but that's because they can't make claims like that legally. I heard it from a buddy who knows the distributor," explained Kennerly. "Besides, if those big companies are putting fiberglass in their cigarettes, who knows what else? I'm not putting that in my body."

Motorist reports unsafe driver with mobile phone

Mug owner approaches breaking point

POINT LAGRANGE - Doting mug owner Michael Guffin has had his favorite mug taken carelessly for the last time, and is ready to snap if it happens again, sources say.

Bender Associates, the insurance firm where Guffin works as a claims verifier, has a number of community mugs available, but he maintains a mug for private use.

"Sometimes there's not a clean mug, so you take what's there," said Eric Ingle, claims adjuster. "Mike needs to get a grip."

To safeguard against unauthorized taking of his mug, Guffin emblazoned a terse warning across his mug. He was quoted as saying there would be harsh consequences if he is not taken seriously.

Bathroom candle overwhelmed

Man believes Rapture is coming, keeps his 401k

NARTHEX, TN - Earl Coler believes that the world will end soon, and that he and fellow believers will be swept up into heaven while heathens left behind will face judgment. He's hanging on to his retirement plan, though.

"Yeah, I don't see a point in just giving it all up, even though I can't take it with me when the end times come," said Coler, a 58-year old employee of the county's water department.

"It may come tomorrow and we'll all be drawn up to the glory... the saved ones, I mean. But what if it's not for ten years? I'd be stuck in a lurch then."

Co-worker Ellen McClugh suggested that Coler bequeath his worldly investments to the unsaved masses still around when the apocalypse comes. "We'd all be believers if that happens, so we'll need your money to start proselytizing. 'Cause otherwise the evil banks will get all your money and it's the ol' stamp on the forehead for us."

Coler reports that he has considered McClugh's advice, and ruled in favor of an add-on to his patio when he retires in a few years.

"I'm a true believer, but you can't be too careful."