Regurgitar plays same riff over and over

GUITAR CENTER - Aspiring guitarists who want to play the same riffs repeatedly have a new axe for their arsenal - the Regurgitar.

Manufactured by JankTone, Regurgitar comes in six colors and twelve presets, including:

• Stairway to Heaven
• Smoke on the Water
• Iron Man
• You Shook Me All Night Long
• Layla
• Eruption
  

"We wanted to make sure the most common, popular and accessible riffs were available," said developer/guitarist Zak DeMenthe. "Rank amateurs can get started right out of the box and play these riffs to their hearts' content."

In-store demo play will be available only between morning and close, and must be amplified for the Regurgitar to work. Additional plugin modules are available, such as Speed Metal, Jam Band, Weather Channel Jazz, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Prog Rock and White Boy Funk.

Album of the Day - Dick Cheney, "So"

2008 Tour schwag available at the JankyStore.

May 6, 1937: Led Zeppelin album photo shoot held in New Jersey

This Day In History - 1984: REO Speedwagon discontinues fighting feeling

CHAMPAIGN, IL - American rock band REO Speedwagon brought closure to an unspecified feeling on this day in 1984.

Songwriter and lead singer Kevin Cronin asserted his unwillingness to prolong a number of related sentiments in the early power ballad "Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore", which reached number one on the U.S. pop charts. Cronin was quoted as saying that there was "no reason for my fear."

Sources say the feeling alluded to in the song is one of falling in love with someone who's been a friend for a long time. After nearly 25 years, though, Cronin confesses to having forgotten what he originally started fighting for.

Album of the Day - The Beatles, "Flubber Soul"

Album of the Day: Alanis Morissette, "Jagged Little Bill"

Album of the Day - The Beatles, "Rabbi Road"

Album of the Day - R.E.M., "Munster"

Unable to jam, area band writes and plays songs

PINE OAKS - Local rock band Horseface, a new addition to the burgeoning suburban Pine Oaks scene, are reasonably talented on their respective instruments. However, they lack the ability to wail on for hours on the same groove.

The band therefore resorts to writing and performing "songs about stuff," as lead singer Jeremy Eamaux puts it. “We never learned how to stretch a few chord changes into a 20-minute thing."

“It just seemed like all we could do was squeeze three or four minutes out of an idea, with verses, choruses and sometimes a bridge,” added bassist Chad Ripley. "We tried jamming, but couldn't resist the urge to put a beginning and an end on things."

Eamaux reports that the band's focus on concise, structured material has hampered their efforts at securing live gigs. "Plus, we don't smoke dope."

Friday night now also alright for fighting

LONDON - Sir Elton John has issued an edict extending the appropriateness of fighting on Saturday night to include Friday night.

"Sometimes, when it's seven o'clock and you want to rock, it's just too soon in the week," said Sir John. "We decided to do something about it. Get a little more action in. Belly full of beer, that sort of thing."

Songwriting partner Bernie Taupin added that they will not be changing the song.

"Blokes will have to suss that out on their own."

Aspriring band won't compromise values, wasn't asked to

SIX MILE - A scene familiar in garages across the nation played out yet again for high school band Afflyxion, as the powers that be neglected to ask them to change.

"If they came to us and said, 'You've got to get a new look and do all this stuff different than you're doing it,' we would totally not do that. That would truly be selling out," said drummer Creswell Bamfers, AKA "Crash Bam".

Over the course of numerous meetings, the band has identified and affirmed a set of principles they will never violate. The principles presumably refer to record industry professionals, who have thus far remained wholly unaware of Afflyxion.

"Our core sound is hip-hop funky metal on the ska tip. We've got our sweet look, which as you can see is featured on Rock And Roll Confidential," said lead singer "J-Duck", Jeremy Duckers. "And if they ever come to me saying, 'We want you if you'll ditch the rest of the band,' I'll tell them where to go."

Band meetings continue next week to determine the proper hair style and stance for Afflyxion's photo shoot at the rail yard. The four members are expected to negotiate several hours over whether to remain stationary or walk menacingly toward the camera.